hey there...i noticed you noticing me

my wife jocelyn and i are awful people. We don't want to be that way and are working on it and in some ways we are less awful than we used to be a few years ago. every once in a while we think back to stuff we used to do that we aren't doing so much anymore. It's scary to do this because you realize that though we thought we were pretty good back then, we were pretty disgusting. I'm sure 3 years from now we'll look back at where we are today and have new things that are revolting that we were barely aware of...thank God for grace.

Just the other day we were talking about how we used to thrive on making people jealous. If you've ever tried to do this before you'll know that it is a strange ego boost, a way to feel worth something. If others were jealous of me that meant that I was better than they were and that was a thrilling feeling for me.

so the right clothes, the right look, a nice car, a good-looking woman on my arm, it was all part of the game and instead of enjoying those things i spent most of my time looking around to make sure people were turning green all around me. When they didn't it made me really mad, "don't they know?" i'd think, "uncultured swine!". But it'd make me want to try even harder.

Thankfully it seems that God is intervening here and he has begun to show me (us) that making others jealous isn't very fun. There is a thrill that lasts a minute and then I'm quickly looking around for someone else to make jealous. The demands keep getting higher and so do the credit card bills :)

much more fulfilling is being a person who makes others feel good. I noticed that other people like me, jealousy-makers, they are pretty detestable people. And though i sometimes find myself admiring them, another part of me knows it's all repulsive. The people i find truly admirable are those who work hard to make others feel good, important, interesting... not in a patronizing sort of way, I'm not talking about those who make stuff up that isn't true or lie. But i guess i'm talking about those who can make others feel worthy because they take the time to look deep enough to notice those worth while things that God has placed in all of us...sounds like a "diversity" lesson on some kids show on PBS, i know, but it's true nevertheless.

These people who do this, the people who make you feel comfortable and confident when you're around them, they aren't always the most impressive people, they may not be the people that you notice first in a crowd, but when you get to know them you discover that their mode of existence is beautiful and admirable. I find myself wanting to be like them, not in a jealous way but in a "these are people i could learn something from" way.

I should say, please don't look to me to try to see this in action. I'm still prone to being an awful person. But my mind has been opened and i think that's a good first step.

migraine

had a migraine the other day... my vision starts going, then i feel like i'm on crazy drugs. It's rather scary when it happens. I always wonder if i'm having a stroke or something... welcome to my over-dramatized brain.

after nearly a full day of recovery i was feeling back to normal. makes me very thankful for my health. Some people live with that kind of pain and scariness daily. Bless them.

but i'm curious, are there any other migraine sufferers out there? and if so what do you do to get rid of them? I've had three already since january, this is abnormal for me and a pain in the butt, er...bottom.

not a very exciting post for all of you waiting with bated breath :) (for an interesting article about that phrase check here) i'll try harder next time. someone just help me with my headaches.

ahh...peer pressure

my nearly 3 year old daughter, ellie, has a little friend-a beautiful little girl who shall remain nameless. they play together often. the other day ellie had a stint with her "best friend" and afterward i noticed her talking differently... pronouncing thing differently, "I was wwwolling it" she says to me. i tried to correct her... like most kids her age, she's never said her Rs perfectly. But like most anal parents my age, i try to use these moments as teaching ones. "Rrrroling" i say to her, "Rr-rrr-rrr-rolling." "No daddy!" she fires back, "Www-www-www"

that's the power of influence that comes with friendship. Ellie had thrown away what we've been teaching her for months in favor of saying things the way her little friend does. Not a big deal now, but i'm dreading when the same happens at 16.

I've been writing a few entries about friends lately. And this is just one more example of the crazy power that friends have over each other.

Now don't worry, i'm not warning you against the evils of peer-pressure. I actually telling you to seize the opportunity that friendship presents you... to influence others--not in selfish or sneaky ways, but in ways that'll make you both nicer to be around and more Christ-like. That will make you both brighter lights in the world.

It may seem manipulative to talk this way, but the truth is that you WILL influence your friends anyway, i'm advocating being intentional about it, for their good, for yours, for the good of the world and the cause of Christ... okay maybe that sounds a little cheesy and hopeful, but i really believe if we don't get intentional about the influence we already exert, then before we know it the whole world will be talking about "Wwwascally Wwwabits" and things of the sort.

Holy Week

it's what the church calls "holy week", this week is. It's pretty phenomenal when you think about it.

From the "hosannas" (lit. "please save us") of Palm Sunday when the crowds cheered Jesus' coming into Jerusalem, celebrated him like a member of the 1984 Detroit Tigers... to the awe of Maundy (lit. command) Thursday where Jesus lifted up bread and wine and instituted a new Holy meal of his own Body and Blood for us to partake in (thus the reason for the word "maundy" since Jesus gave the order to "do this in remembrance of me")... and then you've got Good Friday, that sad horrible day when we are confronted with how depraived we humans really are, that we could kill God, and yet still knowing that somehow it is "good" that God would use it to take our sin... and then Easter Sunday, that great celebration where we see Jesus vindicated, brought to a new life offering the same to all who would accept it.

All of that...in one little week. And with life still going full steam ahead, maybe we miss out on the significance of this week... the experience that God wants to give us.

I'm praying that God would allow me to take it all in, to receive this week's events with open arms, eyes, mind, and heart... i pray that God would do the same for you. There's nothing like this, don't let it pass you by

not what you want to wake up to

as i stumble out in the kitchen this morning, still trying to adjust to this blasted daylight savings time, i look out the window. This is my normal practice, get a glimpse of the outdoors. this morning i strain my eyes to figure out what i'm seeing, rain? weird reflections from the outside lights? NO! SNOW.

okay so it isn't much snow, just a dusting. once the sun comes up it'll all be gone. But i'm amazed at how long and stubborn the winter season is here. I grew up in it but still...

i looked at the 10day forecast, this is POSSIBLY the last of it (though you can never count out the late april snowstorm here) I really hope it is. I'm ready for spring.

so raise your coffee mug with me... TO SPRING!