white lies
i came across an interesting article on CNN.com this morning. It was all about how people say they hate lying and they find it absolutely inexcusable, but most of those same people admit to lying themselves.
(full text go here)
it reminded me of something my friend bob blogged on the other day ( go here) where he talked about the paradoxes of our faith and in the Bible.
I became very interested in our own personal capacity for paradox. We act like paradoxes in the Faith are so crazy but then we can do things ourselves like say, "lying is absolutely detestable" and then 1 min later say "yes I lie sometimes"
that's not to say i'm surprised by our own paradoxes, i'm really not. The Bible talks about the tension we live in, especially those of us who are found in Christ... we are sinners and saints at the EXACT SAME TIME. But i guess I wonder why we pretend to be so stumped by seemingly contradictory things in our faith when we live 90% (or more?) of our lives IN contradiction?
Furthermore why are we so shocked when we find out that someone else has been living in contradiction?
the conservative talk show host who likes pain meds
the preacher who talks about immorality but can't keep his own nose clean
the serial-killer who was an upstanding member of his local church, even the congregational president
the great theologian who teaches the world a lot about God's love and yet has an awful streak of hate inside
the mom who teaches her kids to stay away from drugs but who uses them herself just so she can keep up with life
etc., etc.
i'm not trying to excuse ANY of these things, they are all wrong and sad... but i think our outrage betrays the fact that these kinds of contradictions all hit way too close to home. And maybe realizing that isn't such a bad thing, because then maybe we'd be more apt to rest in God's Grace (undeserved love brought to us through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection), rather than our own public "face" (no cheesy rhyme intended)
enough for now, what do you think? (other than the people who normally comment on my blog who have probably already commented on this similar topic on bob's :)) peace.
15 Comments:
This whole line of thinking reminds me that we need to not respond with outrage but with love to people.
When people get outraged over the woman who teachers her kids not to use drugs but uses them herself the outraged seems to be directed into anger, gossip, talking behind her back, and generally not good things.
Instead we should be outraged but the outrage should lead to love and action on her behalf. Even if that action is just to pray for her.
Good comment Matt... where does the anger come from?
Lately, I've been fortunate (or just getting slower) to "check" my anger. I still get angry, but rather than really flippin' out, or lashing out, I've been more introspective on why that just p*ssed me off so... That has shown me alot about my own PLANK IN THE EYE
You are right - we all are guilty at one time or another. We all need to see our own plank in our eye. We all desperately need God's patience, and the forgiveness of those around us.
We need to love the sinner, just as Jesus does, and to know that we are loved.
I am concerned, too, though, that we, as Christians, tend to be all too quick to lower God's bar in the name of grace. While we bask in God's grace, we also are far too unconcerned about our sin because we know we can be forgiven. We all want others to accept us as we are and we say we should also overlook the sins of those around us in love. I fear we ignore a critical factor, though.
Of course we are not to judge, but we need to be vitally aware that every time a Christian lies, or expresses unloving anger, or cheats a little at work, or has sex outside of God's blessing of marriage, or are careless about hurting or offending others - we may be forgiven, but we're still tarnishing the glory of God among people in the world.
Our sin robs God as well as other people. We need to be not only horrified at discovering our own sin, but we need to also be horrified at the harm we've done to Jesus' reputation. And as a church we must get better at speaking truth in love to those among us who persistently do these things. A lying Christian hurts God and His mission, as well as people.
For Jesus' sake, for His honor and glory, how can we live in cheap grace without committment to His Glory?
Just a thought...good points from everyone, too.
c
yeah, i think karl brings up an interesting point... for someone who is hurting the people around him/her and her own walk with God, confrontation (loving) might be needed. But finger pointing does NOT equal speaking truth to someone for the sake of winning them over... and often we think it does. we lack the guts to actually lovingly confront people, we'd rather gossip or be outraged.
and i guess those other circumstances where someone's failure is made public, most of the time they are already feeling the weight of what they've done... and need Grace rather than further condemnation.
My initial point is that we tend to think more highly of ourselves than we ought... that's what i heard a seminary professor say one time and i've seen it in my life again and again... i fake myself out to believe my life is consistent and get abhorred by others contradictions. the more i'm in people's lives though, the more i see the contradiction everywhere and it teaches me to be a little more understanding about it.
Anonymous, I see what you are saying but I keep thinking back to David in the bible. There was a man who chased after Gods desires and at the same time was a sinful man. Sure, he was told he was a sinful man (A reminder of what I am sure he knew and was avoiding). But, it is about chasing after Gods desires, isn't it?
Luther said to "Sin Boldly" in reference to not letting sin get in the way of following God. If one is too worried about not sinning can that same person really chase after God? Is the route to getting to God not sinning?
These definitely seems like the paradox Bob was talking about.
In the end I think we should not water down helping people with their sinful problems and hope and pray others will help us with our sinful problems. At the same time, when we approach people about thier sin shouldn't the end result be a better relationship with God?
Matt,
I agree with your ideas about helping people and being helped by others to live a godly life. However, I have to lovingly :) disagree with you about Luther's quote and about not worrying about sin.
The basic concept is that we do take sin seriously because it offends God and hurts others, and that we try, to our very best ability, not to sin.
But if we have done all we can to understand what is right, and feel that what we are doing is God's will, then do it boldly, confident that God will forgive if we are wrong. That's what Luther meant by sin boldly. This is in the case of a pure heart, trying to please God and do right.
We should not live in fear of God's wrath when we live in His grace. However, we are endangering our state of grace - and the spiritual lives of others - if we have a casual attitude about sin. That should cause great (and appropriate) fear in us.
Because sin is not pleasing to God, and harms others, it is not a small matter to God. After all, He is willing to condemn His beloved children if the price is not paid for their sin. It's a serious thing - and makes us appreciate Jesus and God's grace even more. Because of this, if we truly love God, wouldn't we naturally take our own sin very seriously, and avoid it at all costs (remember what scripture says about if our eye causes us to sin?).
Because we know that sin hurts others, especially when it's coming from a Christian, wouldn't we also exercise tough love if necessary, to overcome it?
i hear anonymous and matt saying close to the same thing... but i think i hear a slight difference in motivation. Both of you sound like you're advocating a pursuit of God and all that he instructs us in, but it sounds like your reasoning for doing so is different. Is that fair? If so what do you each think the motivation is? I don't want to infer anything unfairly.
Basically, I think (my personal opinion) we need to not concentrate on stopping sin but following God. The byproduct of following God should be less sin. Does that make sense?
So, when we nitpick someones sin or call them out on sin there is two problems I see. One, is that this is brought on in a very negative sense that they are doing something wrong. Positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement. Getting someone to follow God (the way we should follow God) should be easier than stopping the sin.
Second, by trying to stop the sin we are avoiding the relationship with God. The concentration is stopping the sin rather than going to God. If we just stop the sin the effect does not make someone closer to God. The effect is just less sin.
Does my cause and effect make sense?
I think maybe Dion is right in saying our perspectives are different from which we are looking at the problem.
Matt, I agree with what you say about our focus - it needs to be on pleasing God, not on stopping sin. I guess my concern is for any lessening of our concern about sin in ourselves or others. I'm not advocating nitpicking at others. My concern, like yours, is for their spiritual well being - and also for the well being of others who are looking at them as a representative of Jesus and His church.
I'm not sure what you mean about stopping sin instead of a relationship with God...I guess I see both so closely connected as to be inseparable. without a desire to stop offending God, how can anyone presume to have or seek a relationship with Him?
My understanding of my life in Christ is entirely about living in a close relationship with God, pleasing Him in every way I can, with His help. Of course I will sin in the process, and it's very painful to realized it when it happens. My sin cost Jesus dearly. It's never to be taken lightly. Isn't that a key part of the relationship, especially the maturing of our spiritual walk?
Because of that, I value a friend who will point out my sin, but I've also been deeply hurt at times by the wrong judgement of others, and also by people whose sin was not called to account. Sometimes circumstances prevent the harmed person from taking any Matthew 18 action personally. Or perhaps a person does not have the maturity to be able to do that. If the sin is known by the church, I believe the church has a responsibility to prevent it from hurting others, out of love, not judgement.
So, I agree with Matt about sensitivity that we must have for the feelings of the sinner who is repentant, and about falling into a judging, fiinger pointing mode. Certainly we need to act and speak with loving kindness and gentleness and forgiveness.
However, I've also seen many people deeply harmed spiritually by the Christian, especially when that person is visibly connected with the church, whose sin (whether lies or greed or any other) goes uncorrected and is allowed to continue to cause great harm, in the name of love covering wrongs - and still be identified as a faithful Christian.
I've seen believers alienated from the church of ANY kind, not just that one, with serious spiritual damage done. I've seen spiritual walks cut short or sidetracked by the pain this has caused. I've seen the church lose precious brothers and sisters, both in service and in community, just because we did not take the sin seriously enough to do the tough love needed, and because they felt they could no longer trust the church not to compromise God's standards, since the sinner was allowed to continue. That's just plain tragic.
When we live in a culture that believes that Christians and the Church are hypocritical, and not to be trusted for spiritual truth and actions - we need to be especially careful not to tarnish the name of Jesus or His church by our own sins, or by falling on either side of that balance between unfair judgement and permissiveness that speaks hypocrisy to everyone around us. The church often deserves that reputation. Either way, we do grave damage both to the church and to those not yet there.
Sorry this is long - it's a real issue for me. Bottom line for me - our Lord has demonstrated such great love for us at so great a price - and for all people - how could we cheapen that gift by taking the sin that caused itlighty.
Matt, I know that's not what you are saying, either - maybe our concerns are really more how to approach the problem??
Good discussion!
My experience says Matt is right here on both points.
The more I focus on "trying not to sin" the more I focus on ME and MY actions, and the less I focus on God.
Also, pointing out other people's sin isn't helpful, and usually won't change them. Afterall, who are you to judge? You don't know the struggle they're going thru with that sin...you don't know if they've been trying to NOT sin...it's easy to pick at someone from the outside.
On the other hand, if you lovingly encourage them to do RIGHT, instead of pointing out that they're doing wrong, this is truly showing them love and will usually do a better job of helping them change.
We see many examples of Jesus doing exactly this. He didn't walk around pointing out what everyone did wrong. Instead he spoke truth, only confronting those that were defiant in their sin....to all others he came in love first, then spoke truth when the time was right...usually asking questions...not saying "You sinner!"
Even an Athiest can work on reducing sin and lower the amout of sin in their life. Lowering the amout of sin doesn't bring them closer to God.
In the bible didn't Jesus say to follow him?
When someones spiritual walk gets cut short I wonder if the person who caused it was following God when they did what they did? Would cutting that sin out of the person fix the situation? Maybe, but it won't bring people closer to God.
Society calls the church hippocrates not because we are sinful but because much of the church they notice isn't living the teachings. They aren't loving one another. They are finger pointing. They aren't serving others. They see christians yelling out about abortion (maybe rightly so) and watching hours of TV a night at home but not opening the door for someone whose arms are full and not helping that person in need when the situation presents itself.
Our sin is not the real issue here. We will all sin and we cannot escape it. But, it's the root of that sin we have to deal with. The root of even the origional sin is that we aren't following God. And, that's where the turn around needs to start.
Well said, Bob. I agree with all you say here.
The concern I've been trying to express is for a laissez faire approach to our own sin (offensive to God), and toward sinful actions and attitudes by Christians when they are harmful to others or endanger their own spiritual life ( by continuing when they know it's sinful to do so).
I am certainly not referring to those who are not aware of their sin. That takes the extra care and love you describe here.
HOW any loving correction is done certainly needs to fit the description you give, unless the timing is urgent to prevent more harm or the person persists in sin, knowingly.
This is where my concern for the reputation of the church and Christians comes in - there's no doubt in my mind that visible disregard for God's standards among Christians harms those who see that as hypocrisy or a reflection of Jesus in our lives. It also dishonors the God with whom we seek to have a loving relationship.
Going around pointing fingers? Of course not! But, to return to the original topic, a Christian who lies persistently does great harm to himself, to others, and to Jesus' reputation. I'd suggest a loving approach, but also firmly following up to an end of the sin.
Maybe I did not express it clearly before.
A little more thinking on this....
How do you decide which sins of people we are goign to address and even kick someone out for.
There are obvious ones in this culture such as the pastor who looks at porn. That needs to be dealt with. But, that is a popular and obvious topic.
What about one that is part of the root of why we are called hippocrates. How about breaking the 1st commandment. When, all too often, we as christians put living our comfortable life ahead of God. Isn't that one that is just as serious as the pastor looking at porn? The pastor who is looking at porn may still reach people with God. Is the person who puts their own comfort ahead of God even doing that?
Great post--
We should NEVER be surprised to learn of anyone's propensity for sin-especially our own, our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ and even pastors. We are all fallen and sinful and struggle with our flesh.
A good insight into the tension of living as a pastor and struggling with sin is Craig Groeschels' "Confessions of a Pastor." I guarantee you will never think of your pastor the same again.
http://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Pastor-Adventures-Dropping-Getting/dp/1590527208/sr=8-1/qid=1167709079/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-4429473-3764668?ie=UTF8&s=books
i've never heard of the book before. i'll have to check it out.
thanks Tim!
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