entitlement

I don't live a difficult life. I don't have huge burdens to carry. I bet 90% of america has it harder than I do (BTW i don't think it's because God likes me better than 90% of america either). But let me tell you, it doesn't take much to get me all flustered with life.

a few hundred dollars of car repairs for example. maybe i should say several hundred (can you tell how annoyed i am?) even though it's not a missing kid, an infectious disease, or a lost job, I'm still finding myself asking the great unanswerable (and occasionally annoying) question, "why me??"

Next i try to explain to myself that this might be the suffering that Jesus promised his followers, "you will be hated by all nations because of me" and "if they persecuted me, they will persecute you also" it sounds good for a moment, almost makes my hardship sound noble. I like noble. But if i really think about it, the auto mechanic on the corner is not exactly Emperor Nero, and draining my checking account is hardly akin to being fed to lions.

Maybe the whole issue here is that i'm so used to life being easy, or as my good friend Joel O. would say, "blessed", that i don't know how to act when i don't get my way. I'm taking the good for granted, or worse yet, I'm feeling entitled to it, like i somehow deserve it and so i cry "no fair" whenever the flow of goodness is temporarily stopped.

as i'm writing this I'm thinking that entitlement must be the number-one enemy of grace.

Quite often, Grace (God's abundant love for us which is totally unearned and undeserved) amazes me, but other times i'm so unaffected by it, maybe that's because i can easily let grace become entitlement, and though i didn't earn my good standing with God, i can sure take it for granted like it's my right rather than my privilege (bestowed on me by a very kind and loving God)

I guess the opposite would be to look at the car repairs (and worse) as more in line with what i actually deserve... and instead of expecting blessing, I could celebrate it whenever it comes as a wonderful miracle from God... even when it comes more often than not. Puts it in perspective for me, thanks for journeying through this with me :)