thoughts from a malcontent
i hate complaining and i find discontentment to be one of the ugliest AND most painful things in the world. But here i am on the 8th day of the New Year, battling against myself on this very front.
I go around like this far too often, somedays i feel so at peace in my skin, car, house, job, life. I can't imagine how i could ever want or need more. I can't believe that so many people are so unhappy.
Then a switch flips in my brain and suddenly everything is awful. And there's this acidic yearning inside of me for more, better.
Maybe it's the New Year's syndrome that so many people feel. Maybe it's boredom (i've learned not to underestimate the destructive power of boredom). Perhaps it's winter, even though this hardly has turned out to be a typical winter. Or maybe it is really that I'm an ingrate who refuses to be thankful for things that 90% of the world only dreams about having. Funny thing is, in this current state I KNOW that even if i had everything that i feel i'm lacking, i'd still not be happy. I've got my thoughts on why this is too... i'll spare you on them now.
So i wait for the switch to flip back, and meanwhile i grit my teeth and recount all of my blessings hoping that God will move my eyes to nobler things and bless my heart with gratitude... and SOON.
Comments are welcome
Labels: contentment, New Year, thankfulness
posted by Dion @ 1/08/2007 09:07:00 AM
7 Comments
7 Comments:
hey holmes... pick that head up.
Smile because...
The sun'll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
There'll be sun!
Just thinkin' about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck a day that's gray, and lonely,
I just stick out my chin and grin, and say, oh!
The sun'll come out tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on ‘til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya tomorrow!
You're always…a day…a way!
I so know that feeling. I too tend to get in funks that shut me down for periods of time and then one day, the switch goes and everything is good again.
Crazy stuff. I'll be praying that your switch goes soon.
thanks guys :) now i'm afraid i've worried all my readers out there in blog land...
It's not that i'm depressed or angry with life or anything. It's just that i'm not satisfied when i've got EVERY REASON TO BE SATISFIED.
Being dissatisfied is only one part, the bigger part is that i'm at war with the dissatisfaction because i know it's unjust.
does that make any sense?
Yeah, I'm with ya. It's one of those mental wars that happens. I'm there all day every day.
I think being artsy-fartsy makes it especially bad.
Sounds like you need an hour at the gym and a giant mug of starbucks...that is my current cure all. (wait, this is a church website...am I supposed to say that prayer is my cure-all?)
i did the gym last night... it WAS good... still need starbucks though, HMMMM
oh yeah, i hear prayer is good too, after starbucks maybe? j/k
When I was growing up & would read about the devil in the Bible certain passages like I Peter 5:8 where it talks about him being a roaring lion looking for someone to devour made me think that his attacks would be easily recognizable because of their seriousness. After all, I thought it would be pretty obvious if a roaring lion came after me so I figured satan coming after me would be pretty obvious too.
The past couple years I've really noticed that satan is much more sly than that. It seems like he uses the "small" things like discontent, boredom, worry, etc to chip away at us.
For example, my husband & I are not materially wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, and I know that material things aren't what give peace and happiness. For the most part I am happy & amazed at the blessings we have been given that cannot be valued monetarily. Then-- just like Pastor Dion said--a switch will flip and I will start worrying about money and wishing that we could do more things, buy more clothes, buy a house, etc. I look around at other people and think that it's not fair that everyone seems to have more than me! All this while the day before I was so content and happy and hallelujiahing to God for all the wonderful things in my life. (And don't even get me started on being female & how one day I'll be pretty ok with my appearance and the next day I'll pull out the list of all the things wrong with the way I look (I'm sure you guys love that;)).
The negative thoughts creep in so fast that it's unnerving & surprising. It's like a little spark that could either fizzle out if extinguished right away or turn into a roaring fire if fueled by negativity. If those "small" feelings continue to grow & fester it may cause us to act in ways we wouldn't normally act or say things we wouldn't normally say because we've lost sight of everything we stand for. Before we know it we're facing the roaring lion ready to pounce & we don't even know how we got there.
I've found that if I catch these thoughts right away & call them for what they are--little attacks by satan--the fire can be put out quickly & fairly painlessly. If I put on the helmet of salvation & use the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesians 6:17) I can call out satan right away and tell him I'm not going to give into those feelings of worry (for example) because God told me he will provide everything I need (Matthew 6:25-34).
Of course, because I'm human sometimes it seems like a better decision in the heat of the moment to wallow in self-pity for awhile instead of nipping it in the bud. That's when it's nice to have a spouse or spiritual confidant who knows the things you struggle with & can spot them right away and start praying as soon as they see it. My husband is very good at backing off when he sees me going down the road of worry, discontent, bad self-image, etc. He quietly (and usually without my knowledge) prays for me and puts me in God's hands. (Of course, at the time I get mad at him because he won't go down the road with me...) Then about half way through the day after we've gone our separate ways he'll call me and ask me if I'm feeling better. Usually I am already over it & that's when he'll tell me he's been praying for me. Quite humbling & awesome at the same time.
So my best advice is to put on that helmet of salvation and sharpen up the sword of the spirit and tell satan to take a hike. He doesn't stand a chance because we already have the victory. Then discuss with your spouse or spiritual confidant all the things you have been struggling with--over Starbucks coffee, of course :)
i know what you mean about wallowing. I do that all the time. It's almost like i WANT to be discontent and it takes a while before i can even convince myself to have God point my eyes toward him... to seek first the kingdom as matthew 6 says.
i think it's because i'm not sure it's going to "work" or i really want to wallow long enough so that i feel forced to buy a new house or car or something.... and then it won't be my fault, i will have HAD to do it.
I think God is already flipping the switch back, thankfully. he always does, when i'm in those funks though it's hard to believe it will happen again. He's faithful though. thanks for sharing kim.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home