thoughts from a malcontent

i hate complaining and i find discontentment to be one of the ugliest AND most painful things in the world. But here i am on the 8th day of the New Year, battling against myself on this very front.

I go around like this far too often, somedays i feel so at peace in my skin, car, house, job, life. I can't imagine how i could ever want or need more. I can't believe that so many people are so unhappy.

Then a switch flips in my brain and suddenly everything is awful. And there's this acidic yearning inside of me for more, better.

Maybe it's the New Year's syndrome that so many people feel. Maybe it's boredom (i've learned not to underestimate the destructive power of boredom). Perhaps it's winter, even though this hardly has turned out to be a typical winter. Or maybe it is really that I'm an ingrate who refuses to be thankful for things that 90% of the world only dreams about having. Funny thing is, in this current state I KNOW that even if i had everything that i feel i'm lacking, i'd still not be happy. I've got my thoughts on why this is too... i'll spare you on them now.

So i wait for the switch to flip back, and meanwhile i grit my teeth and recount all of my blessings hoping that God will move my eyes to nobler things and bless my heart with gratitude... and SOON.

Comments are welcome

a new blogging leaf

I'd like to believe that this year will be different. Some of you who still might actually be reading this may have noticed that my blogging has fallen WAY off.

I guess i got busy. I felt like i was out of good things to say. I didn't wanna be a know it all. So i went idle for a while.

but i must say i've missed it. I've missed the conversation and the challenges to my perspective. I've missed being able to relate with people that i don't often get to see. I wanna do better this year

BUT i know me. I know how i am. I'll give it my best shot, but we'll see if anything really changes. I think you know the struggle that i'm talking about, if not in blogging then in something else in your life.

Still i'm not throwing the towel in. Here's to at least 10 posts in 2007! (okay hopefully i do a little better than that.)